Monday, August 31, 2009

Fear of Sleep

Days Until Employment Ends: 2
Jobs Applied to Today: 4
Hours of Sleep: 4

I cannot sleep in this house. I'm still transitioning to the new sounds and nuances only old houses contain. Last night I fell asleep at 3; the night before, at 5. Somehow I managed to peel myself out of bed faarrrr too early this morning, have a post-op check up with the dentist (everything's healing nicely, yee haw), and actually get some work done--after a big cup of coffee, of course.

But by one o'clock there was little left to do. I came back to the house and watched old David Attenborough specials on the leopard, crocodile, eagle, and humpback whale. This is the severity of my situation.

The more I come to terms with my summer job ending, the more I'm realizing that I need to go home. I can't wander around for much longer. I'm sick of packing up my whole life every couple of weeks and hauling it in my understated tan Corolla to the next squatting venue. One of the jobs I applied to today is actually at a university back home, and you know, after mailing my resume in (snail mail style--the Midwest is inching toward progressive, but some things they'll never let go of), I found myself bizarrely excited by the idea. Going back home but living in my own apartment, starting my own life there, sounds greatly appealing to me right now. Comfortable in many ways, but new in others.

I have made a pact with myself that I will fall asleep at a normal time tonight. Keep your fingers crossed....

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Playing House

Movies/TV Shows Watched Since Wisdom Teeth Removal:
1. The Simpsons Season 3 (Disc 1 only)
2. The Simpsons Season 4
3. The Simpsons Season 6
4. Man vs. Food Season 1
5. Mrs. Doubtfire
6. This American Life
7. MaxedOut
8. House Bunny (forgive me)
9. Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Thank you, Netflix Instant.

Earlier tonight, at the house I'm currently "sitting," I spent 20 minutes making the bed. Simply because I could, because I got lost in the fantasy of having my own place to call home, where I could have charming little knick knacks that ooze frivolity with the loopy cursive saying things like "Linen Spray" and "Creme pour le Corps." Living in an extremely well-decorated house that reflects what you one day can only hope your home will look like is not helpful when you're reeling from unemployment.

I also ventured back to campus today, the first day out since my immature wisdom teeth extraction on Monday. I think the Vicodin must have embedded some false sense of readiness in my horiztonal, Man vs. Food-watching body, because as soon as I got to work I felt incredibly awful. What I did love, however, was watching all the freshmen--still slightly shocked from the massive amount of sensory overload, but trying their damndest not to let on. Yes, it's orientation week, and it feels so weird to be there, watching as though I'm peering into a snow globe. It's bizarre how quickly a place that was your home loses that title, even when you continue to be surrounded by it after you graduate. But I must admit, all awkward friendship making and map toting aside, I was a little jealous of this class of 2013 (yikes). Welcome to four years of a reality defined by a cushy balance of structure and independence, where everything new seems like it will never get old and graduation is something you just got done with, not something to be looking out for. God, my timing is impeccable.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Losing My Wisdom

Tomorrow I will finally be inducted into the exclusive club of being sans wisdom teeth. To alleviate the potential devastation about the loss, the dentist assured me that the two buds growing on my lower jaw are surprisingly "immature for my age," and should therefore not lead to much trouble. Couldn't help but feel a little bit gypped from that statement. My immature wisdom teeth. Of course they are.

But it's true, in the two months since I even learned I had wisdom teeth, that I feel as though I've been on an intellectual backslide. I am an alumna now, 4 years of countless papers and tuition bills behind me, but now I can't seem to shake the feeling that I've simply screeched to a halt after what only recently seemed like an endless jaunt down a lovely, albeit bumpy, back road. Then again, this feeling could just be another result of my tendency to over think. Living this semi-nomadic lifestyle leads one to question the purpose of transition periods to be anything but completely annoying. I didn't really think that I would ever need to use the word "antsy" after I hit double digits, but that is the only word that really touches on what the past two months have been. And yes, I am fully aware that I should be taking advantage of this time and embracing the unknown, but to be frank, fuck that. The people telling me that are the ones who romanticized the confusion to be an embodiment of the gradual fading of youth. In retrospect, it's a beautiful thing, I'm sure. Living it sucks.

But for the next two days at least, all I need to focus on is taking my pain meds and enjoying endless pudding cups. If nothing else, this summer will have been good for getting pesky, immature teeth out of the way.